Contemplations and Realizations
by Robyn1212
Summary: Sam's having one of those days that goes bad to worse...to better. Just some more angsty mush like I tend to write.


Contemplations and Realizations  
  
It was a rather dreary day, and it was looking like rain. What a time for your car to decide not to start. This was the case of one Major Samantha Carter. It was good she didn't live far from her work at the Stargate Command.  
After her car wouldn't start and her bike being in need of repair, she called a cab to take her close, but not to the base as it was a top- secret, high-security facility. So she would be forced to walk part of the way.  
As she was walking, she bumped into a teenaged boy who, just by looking at him, reeked of trouble. "Sorry," she uttered. He sort of winced and chuckled to his friends, or gang, more likely.  
"Did you see that old lady that bumped into me back there?" he said coldly. His friends just laughed with him. Sam glared at the teens from behind and kept walking, tears in her eyes.  
It started raining, shortly after, but she was almost at the base. She broke into a run, and once under the cover of Cheyenne Mountain, shook the rain out of her short hair. Once she got to her quarters, she'd change into her work clothes as she called them, dry off and attend the briefing that she had tried so hard to get to.  
  
After the briefing, she went to her lab to work on some project most people wouldn't understand the properties of. After she'd been working for a while, she heard a knock from her open door. "Hey, Carter, whatcha up to?" Colonel Jack O'Neill's voice called from the door.  
She opened her mouth to explain, but instead said, "Are you sure you want to know, sir?"  
"Good point," he replied. He picked up a random thing from her desk and started fiddling with it in his hands. "Carter, what's up with you today?" The unexpected question took her by surprise.  
"What do you mean, sir?" She knew she'd be having a bad day, even after her car didn't start, but she hadn't realized she'd acted differently.  
"I heard from an airman that you snapped at him for no reason. And you were late for the briefing. And-"  
"I get the point." She paused for a moment, then as an afterthought added, "Sir."  
"Hey, don't get me wrong, I'm not telling you off or anything. I'm just worried," he said. Her heart seemed to have made a jump. He was worried about her. She quickly berated herself and set into Major Carter mode.  
"Well, you're worried for nothing. Nothing's wrong," she said, trying not to let her voice betray her.  
He frowned slightly. He'd been hoping that she'd tell him what was wrong. "Come on, Carter, you can tell an old man like myself what's going on." She stood up suddenly. That last comment had thrown her over the edge. Not to mention the fact that he just dropped the doohickey that he'd been holding in his hands.  
"Colonel, with all due respect, get the hell out of my lab! Sir!" She yelled the last part, coldly. Jack cast her a hurt look, then left, noting the tears in her eyes behind the raging fury. After he shut the door, she collapsed to the floor, leaning against the door, and sobbed into her hands.  
"Why did I do that?" she asked herself. She'd wanted to talk, but when he said old, she remembered what that kid said earlier that morning. She'd hurt Jack, but she really didn't mean to. She knew she overreacted. Hopefully, he'd understand. If not then...then she would have ruined their rela-...the relationship they could never have because of those damn regulations.  
  
She got up off of the floor and turned the equipment in her lab off. She found a tissue and composed herself before going after Jack. After she got to the bathroom on the base and washed her face, she headed towards his office.  
Anxiety filled her as she raised her hand to knock. A slight feeling of dread consumed her and she almost turned back. She took a deep breath and rapped her hand on the door.  
"Yeah, come in," his voice resounded from inside the office. Sam noted that he sounded like a little boy who'd just lost his dog and felt a pang of guilt hit her. She slowly opened the door and walked just as slowly inside.  
"Colonel?" her voice caught his attention. He looked over at her. "Sir..." she was going to do this. "Jack, I'm sorry." She wasn't sure what shocked him more, her use of his name or her apology. She paused to let him regain is senses and then continued. "I overreacted to something stupid."  
"What?" he asked gently.  
"I-it's nothing," she said shakily. She was determined not to break down in front of Jack but she could already fell the tears forming in her eyes. He gently put his hand on her shoulder. She suddenly got shivers up her spine.  
"C'mon, Sam. Tell me what's bothering you." She looked up. "I sure as hell never meant to make you cry, so could you tell me what I did?"  
She looked on the verge of tears. She swallowed hard. "I can't," she breathed.  
He looked at her with a trusting look. "You can," he said. The complete caring and loving way he said those two words finally broke her down. She started sobbing right into Jack's shoulder, and all he needed to do to comfort her was to envelope her in his arms. "Shh...shh..." he soothed.  
When she was calmed, she looked at him obviously embarrassed. "I'm sor-"  
"Don't. Don't apologize. It's fine," he assured.  
"I guess after that, I kind of owe you an explanation, huh?"  
"You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to," he told her.  
"I know. But I want to. Do you...do you think I'm old?" she asked him.  
"Oh. So that's what this is all about. You? Old?! You and old are like oil and water. You just don't mix. In my eyes, you're just as young and beautiful as you ever were." By then she was crying again, but this time, they were tears of joy.  
Joy that she knew he still felt something for her. Joy that he thought she was beautiful. And after talking to him about this, she felt like she was a teenager again, on her first date.  
Jack took a step closer. Sam could feel her heart hammering in her chest. He lifted his hand to her face and gently wiped her tears away. Her breath caught in her throat as he took yet another step closer to her, standing so close, she could feel the heat radiating between them.  
As he looked down into her eyes, he saw his unspoken question answered. She wanted him just as badly as he wanted her. She tilted her head up slightly and looked into his eyes, giving the look that said oh too clearly, "We shouldn't be doing this."  
Answering her silent phrase, he said, "I know." Leaving her to wonder for a moment about how he knew what she was thinking, he leaned down and gently pressed his lips against hers. It took a while before she got over the overwhelming shock of finally kissing the man she's been in love with probably since that moment in the briefing room.  
But when she did, her arms snaked around his neck as she felt his wrap around her waist. She played with the hairs on the back of his neck as she held his head firmly in place against hers. She parted her lips, welcoming the fully passionate kiss.  
Jack didn't know how long they were kissing, but the need for oxygen grew to the point to where they both pulled away, breathing in short shallow breaths. After they'd caught their breaths, they just embraced, knowing that this might be the last time they'd be able to do anything like this. 


End file.
